During a challenging life transition or divorce, you might experience gaslighting. The term is being used a lot recently, but what does it mean? And how is it different from simply being lied to?

At Bridget A Riley Coaching, we help women going through difficult times—like separation or major life changes—navigate the complex emotions and confusion that can arise from psychological abuse and unhealthy dynamics.

One key aspect of that support is helping clients recognize the difference between gaslighting and lying, and how these behaviors impact their mental health and well-being.

Understanding the Difference Between Gaslighting and Lying

The term gaslighting originated from a 1940s movie called Gas Light, where a husband manipulates his wife into questioning her own reality. Today, the term has evolved to describe a form of emotional abuse where someone deliberately twists the truth to make another person feel unsure about their own thoughts, own memories, and own feelings. It’s a common form of psychological abuse that causes victims to question their person’s perception of reality.

On the surface, gaslighting might seem similar to lying—but it goes deeper than that. People lie for many reasons: to avoid responsibility, avoid conflict, or protect themselves. But gaslighting involves a long-term pattern of behavior aimed at gaining power and control over another person by making them doubt their own reality.

The Three Phases of Gaslighting

Gaslighting usually happens over time and often follows a pattern that includes three phases. First, there is disbelief. The victim begins to question whether their perception of events is accurate. The abusive person’s behavior causes them to feel confused and unsure.

Then comes defense. The victim tries to defend their version of events but is met with denial, blame-shifting, and minimization. They begin to mistrust their own thoughts.

Finally, the depression phase hits. The victim’s doubt becomes overwhelming, leading to low self-esteem, anxiety, and sometimes even mental illness. They may feel trapped and hopeless.

Gaslighting can cause long-term damage to mental health and can be especially harmful in abusive relationships. If you’re experiencing gaslighting, it’s important to know that you’re not alone and help is available.

Types of Lying and Why People Lie

While gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse with long-term effects, lying is usually more situational. It may still hurt, but it doesn’t always aim to destroy the other person’s perception of reality. People lie for different reasons, and lies can take many forms:

Omission – Leaving out important details on purpose
Restructuring – Changing the story or facts, intentionally or due to faulty memory
Denial – Refusing to accept or admit the truth
Minimization – Downplaying the significance of something wrong or hurtful
Fabrication – Creating a completely false story or excuse
Maliciousness – Lying with the intent to harm, mislead, or manipulate

Different Kinds of Liars

Understanding the intent behind a lie can help you better respond to it. Some liars are deceitful, lying to others about facts to gain an advantage. Others are duplicitous, pretending to hold certain values but acting in ways that contradict them to manipulate outcomes. There are also delusional liars who lie to themselves, denying reality due to stress or trauma. Lastly, demoralized liars deceive themselves to cope with feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness.

Though lying can be damaging, especially if it’s habitual or malicious, it doesn’t always mean the person is trying to exert control over you. Gaslighting, on the other hand, always involves a power imbalance and a desire to dominate.

Key Signs You’re Experiencing Gaslighting

It’s not always easy to identify gaslighting, especially when the abusive person’s behavior is subtle or mixed with moments of kindness and affection. If you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, you may find yourself constantly second-guessing your own memories, apologizing frequently, avoiding conflict just to keep the peace, or feeling like you’re always the one in the wrong. These are signs that your self-confidence may be eroding, and that emotional abuse is taking a toll on your mental health.

Over time, the confusion and self-doubt can deepen, leading you to rely more and more on the gaslighter’s version of reality. That’s one of the most dangerous parts of this type of abuse—it slowly chips away at your own sense of truth.

What Gaslighters Typically Do

A gaslighter may:

Lie and exaggerate to distort the truth
Repeatedly bring up issues to control the conversation and dominate the relationship
Refuse to accept proof, instead escalating the situation
Blame you for their behavior, making you feel like the “crazy one”
Undermine your self-confidence and mental health over time
Offer false hope or occasional kindness to maintain control

If any of this feels familiar, it’s time to take a step back and reassess. No one deserves to feel like they have to question their own thoughts or own feelings constantly.

How Coaching Can Help

Bridget Riley helps to guide women through the emotional aftermath of divorce, toxic relationships, and major life transitions.

If you’re dealing with the mental confusion caused by gaslighting or just trying to rebuild your sense of self after a difficult breakup, coaching can provide the structure and support you need.

We help clients recognize emotionally abusive patterns, build back low self-esteem, reconnect with their own reality, and create healthy boundaries. Our work is rooted in empathy, clarity, and action. You’ll never be judged—and you’ll never have to figure it out alone.

We believe in empowering women to prioritize their emotional health and reevaluate relationships that cause more harm than good. Together, we’ll create a roadmap to healing, growth, and renewed strength.

What to Do if You Suspect Gaslighting

If you believe you’re being gaslighted:

Write things down – Keep a journal of events to help validate your own memories
Talk to someone – Share your experiences with a trusted friend, coach, or therapist
Don’t argue – Gaslighters thrive on creating confusion; stick to facts, not feelings
Set boundaries – You have a right to protect your mental health
Seek help – Coaching or counseling can offer guidance and clarity

Remember, you’re not imagining things. Psychological abuse is real, and just because someone isn’t physically hurting you doesn’t mean the damage isn’t severe.

Reclaiming Your Life After Gaslighting

Leaving a gaslighting relationship—or even recognizing you’re in one—isn’t easy. But it’s a critical first step toward healing. At Bridget A Riley Coaching, we believe that emotional healing is not only possible but also empowering. With guidance, you can regain trust in your own thoughts, rebuild self-worth, and move forward into a life that’s peaceful, confident, and free of manipulation.

If you’re dealing with a divorce, a toxic relationship, or simply learning to trust yourself again, you don’t have to do it alone. Let’s navigate this journey together.